Homesickness
When I first came to Milton, I told myself that there was no way I, Sakira, could ever be homesick in Milton. A week in and I found myself crying at night, grasping at anything that felt remotely familiar –– certain foods in the dining hall and photos on my phone –– anything that could give me comfort. I became frustrated with myself. How was I homesick? I thought I was stronger than that.
Having lived apart from my extended family and in four different countries in the last 10 years, I always held great pride in my adaptation skills. I was confused and scared of losing the skill I thought I was equipped with to handle another transition. I failed to understand that there was a difference between adaptation and assimilation.
Through other relocations, I was used to adjusting my actions to accommodate the environment because I had my family there to support me. Although I lived in Saudi Arabia, I had many family friends and a whole network of Indonesians living in Saudi Arabia. There was a community I could fall back on. They reminded me that I wasn’t the only Indonesian girl living in Saudi Arabia that forgot her native language. They acknowledged every part of my convoluted, third-culture identity.
In Milton, I quickly realized that not only was I the only Indonesian , I was just one of a few Southeast Asians. The closest restaurant that had good chicken Sate was a Malaysian restaurant with a 45 minute ride on public transport into the city. I did not know Indonesians anywhere in Massachusetts. Having a unique cultural identity forces you to assimilate. I deemed parts of myself as superfluous, or even unnecessary and unworthy. I feel I’ve been too malleable to my environment, especially duringCOVID-19, when I was apart from my family the longest I’ve ever been.
I wouldn’t have been able to cope with any of my experiences in Milton if not for the help of the International Student Club. I translated a lot of my passion from my Indonesian identity to my international identity. Students and teachers from the club have become my backbone as I rebuilt myself. Most of all, the club was just fun! We ate snacks, watched youtube videos, folded paper cranes, talked and talked and talked.These little things made me feel comforted, acknowledged, and proud of my identity again. In fact, the international community helped me get through my homesickness..
It was maybe three weeks or a month after school started and that was when I had finally let myself feel. I didn’t want a reason to feel weak in the middle of a crowd filled with people. But right as I let myself fall, the international students caught me, right into their arms into a big big international student group hug and that made me feel so strong.